Writer in Residence

I’m really sorry, I don’t know what is happening to my paragraphs.  

I realised as I published that last blog that I should probably have mentioned that while I had never really written, I had always read. This fact is primarily due to the intolerably dull circumstances of my childhood. Every summer we were dragged to Palm Beach in Sydney for three weeks. Everybody we knew was going to Anglesea or Lorne or Portsea and there we were in Palm Beach. It may as well have been Armageddon or Auckland (cheap Trans Tasman gag). To get an idea of how extremely bored we were, my sister took to kicking people in the surf just so she could apologise and strike up a conversation. 

Not only were we dragged on a beach holiday, but to make the choice even more perplexing my mother was scared of the sun. I mean we were slip-slop-slapping each night before bed. I think we were on the beach at around 7am and off the beach by 9am then on again at about 4.30pm. Anyway, the point is that this left us with long stretches of time to fill with nothing to do but talk to each other or read. Naturally, we read. 

In those long stretches of hot days we sat inside and we read and we read anything. We read our Christmas books and then each others Christmas books and then our school books for the following year and then we read those again and then while my sister started on my school books for the following year, I read what mum was reading and the Berocca bottle and the pasta pack. And then, after this intense period of reading, we went to Portsea for 2 weeks where we never picked up a book (but had a fabulous time).

I am going to try and put a photo of me signing a book at the launch up. In the foreground you will see the very beautiful cover image Elise Hurst (the illustrator) presented to me on the evening. I can’t wait to have it hanging above my desk.

I had a number of other photos for you but they all seem to be about the size of those Nike posters that cover three storeys of an inner-city building.  

I hope this finds you all well.  

K

Topaz, I had no idea you were in AMERICA! Wow. What, with Britney from New Zealand, this blog is truly international. I have liked America ever since I first saw Pringles. I couldn’t believe there was a country that was so ingenious it made its chips exactly the same size with exactly the same permanent wave through the middle and then stacked them in a tennis ball can. I knew the second I got hold of those chips that the USofA was a country I wanted to visit.
Don’t fear Topaz, my novel is coming to you with David Fickling Books/Knopf in your spring next year. It is also going to be in Canada at the same time (Doubleday), in the UK from July this year (David Fickling Books) and in Holland towards the end of this year (Pimento). So, we’ve got the globe pretty much covered unless you live somewhere tricky like South East Asia, the Middle East or most of Europe.
Now, as for those earlier questions I said I would work through systematically before I got side tracked on babaghanoosh and the CBC. How would I describe the publishing process in one word? Too hard. Give me two few words associated with the process.  I think a new writer just requires tenacity. First time authors need to be able to submit their work and then wait while it is considered and knocked back and then re-submitted and rejected again. I always lament that I have a mountain of rejection letters which is seriously in danger of attracting an abseiler or other extreme sporting type. And I’m not joking. I took the scattergun approach to publishing. I submitted about 12 short stories to almost every publisher in Australia and then watched while they were systematically annihilated. After about 18 months, I had a few breaks. Walker Book in the UK rejected a story but asked me to submit longer stories for a series they were putting together. Allen & Unwin rejected everything I wrote but mentioned they would read anything else I wrote and Hardie Grant Egmont picked up a picture book. I don’t think I ever doubted I would be published — I was fairly sure I was at least as good as some of the dreadful writers on the market — I just knew it was a matter of when. This is commonly known as legal arrogance and it is what gives us lawyers such a bad name.
The other word would be luck. My timing was incredibly fortunate. The Harry Potter phenomenon meant that everyone was writing for boys (there is a fairly stupid piece of publishing wisdom that boys will only read about boys but girls will read about girls and boys. My brother certainly read both growing up, but then again he does write science fiction). Suddenly I had a book in an age group which was quite girly and literary enough and I think it’s this that has accounted for its appeal. Harry Potter also meant that some publishers had the funds to take a gamble on new authors and writing for younger people was taken seriously as Rowling showed there could be big money in it — everyone imagined it was the fastest path to a castle in Scotland. I honestly do think there is an element of luck behind any success and all of these things came together to assist me. In case you think I’m the kind of person who always draws the long straw, buys the winning lotto ticket, wins the meat-tray door prize, I’m not. That’s my friend Jane. I never win anything, but I was terribly terribly fortunate with this one and I have never stopped feeling grateful. So, if you are interested in writing, I say just write what you want and what you do well and it will eventually find a home. Even if it takes you 10 years.  I was also asked how long I have written for. Well, that last paragraph probably gave it away. I started writing because my friend was dying of ovarian cancer at what will probably seem old to you — 26 — but seemed young to me at the time and seems achingly young now. Anyway, I wanted to create something that would bring her some happiness while she was in hospital. And so I wrote a small story which I thought would appeal to her as an adult listener but also to children. It started from an idea my friend Alice and I had developed on the couch in our university days when we dreamt big and achieved small (apart from some excellent fancy dress costumes), but I knew the story had legs. When Lea did die, I wanted to have something in her memory, something for her family and friends and so I submitted the book to publishers. It looks like after all this time there might finally be somebody willing to develop it with me which is terribly exciting. I’ll keep you in the loop.   Thanks for your responses.   Over and out.

Thanks for your posts and I’m thrilled some of you liked my book. I’m just as thrilled that those of you who didn’t have been far too polite to comment. You are obviously Well Brought Up. As for Topez, can you march in and tell your local book shop that they are a backward outpost and need to catch up. It’s almost on its second print run (and I am still eyeing those brown shoes).

Babaghanoosh (I may be spelling it incorrectly) is a yummy eggplant dip that’s sort of light and vinegary with a wonderful name even if it is a horrible colour (donkey grey). They sell the homemade version in vats along Sydney Road, Coburg but you can also get it in most supermarkets — it’s just not as good and it’s probably called something unexciting — something like Eggplant Dip.

I crashed the CBC (Children’s Book Council of Australia) conference yesterday as I wanted to hear Neil Gaiman speak. The conference is held every two years and this year we were extremely fortunate to have it in Melbourne. The conference was superb. A huge number of publishers and other associated services (like Books Illustrated who sell beautiful original drawings and prints from children’s books) were all there and I just wished I’d known about it when I was starting out. It gave one a fantastic overview of what different publishers are doing.

A former RMIT student who is now an assistant editor at Allen & Unwin wound up in a Tashi costume at the Allen & Unwin booth and did a valiant job waving to the crowds under a very large papier mache head. Rumour has it that there are brand protection rules concerning Tashi such as “Tashi must Never appear without his head” and “Tashi must Never Ever appear without pants”. Now, for me, that would be an open invitation to streak around the conference centre in my undies, possibly decapitated, but luckily I wasn’t invited to model the costume.

Neil Gaiman’s address was really superb — amusing and thoughtful. He believes that young people should be encouraged to read regardless of the quality of their reading material as ideas are sown in good and bad literature. It’s certainly true that most of the novels I adored as a child haven’t stood up to a re-read, but I’ll need to mull over this for a while. My view had been that if people aren’t reading good quality stuff they would be better off watching good films, good theatre or even playing smart games. I’ll probably get thrown off this site for typing that. At the end of the talk, I lined up to have a book signed along with about 400 fantasy readers.

True fantasy readers are a funny type — fanatical really. They were there in t-shirts which said “Say No to Cryptonite” or dressed in black with heaving white bosoms and red velvet handbags. Most sort of knelt when they got to the author — kneeling at the shrine of Neil Gaimon — and a number took awkward photographs while Neil signed. It must be an extraordinary feeling to create something which has such resonance with so many people. Have any of you read Neil Gaiman? One of you bloggers wanted to know whether I am amusing in real life or just in my writing. I like to think I am particularly amusing in real life but everyone who knows me would probably disagree and say I’m actually really annoying. I do seem to spend alot of time laughing at my own jokes. Whenever I am giggling over part of a manuscript, my mother always says it’s really very fortunate that at least I think I’m funny.

Finally, no, I have never tried sitting on my computer at midnight downing a cap full of tomato sauce while listening to Duran Duran. I would like you all to think that this is because I am leading a fabulous life at wild and glamorous parties full of frothy skirts, Neighbours’ stars and drinks served in pineapples, but really it’s because I seem to be in bed by 8pm these days. Speaking of which, goodnight.

My book launch was… well quick. It really was. It was very lovely to have so many friends there, but frustrating not to have time to chat to any of them properly and then, when I had finished signing books and was ready to sit down with a drink, a biscuit and one of the 12 litres of dip my friend Alice bought for the occasion (seriously), it was time to pack up. All parties are a bit like that, but people have sent me so many beautiful flowers that I feel the thrill of it will linger as long as their stems are green.

Naturally, the day was not without incident. My friends and I went to collect the drinks.  As we were driving to the launch, the traffic was so dense it would have been faster to walk the boxes through the city – probably even faster to hop the boxes through the city. We just didn’t move a single inch. Anyway, in the thick of that traffic I realised I had managed to forget my bag with my phone (pretty dire), my new lipstick and hairbrush (dire) and my speech (so dire we’re talking right up there with a military coup or pulmonary embolism). An emergency call was put through to my partner on the last of the juice on my friend Andrea’s phone and off he diligently went to battle Melbourne.

Eventually the speech arrived and people seemed to enjoy themselves, although we will be eating babaghanoosh and the 10 litres of olives Alice also (fittingly) bought for the occasion over the next year. Fortunately, I love babaghanoosh. It always reminds me of Sofie Laguna’s moving novel “Bird and Sugar Boy”. Have you read it? If not, I recommend you do.

Thank you for the posts. Oh dear, how did I end up in italix.

I will work through your questions systematically starting with Haddy-la who seeks a  new screen name.

Unfortunately I’m out of suggestions, but may I suggest that you draw a circle around your computer at midnight, drink a cap full of tomato sauce (for blood), play Duran Duran (for 80s) and then sit on your keyboard to see what fate throws at you.

Sorry about the font variations and lack of paragraphing. When the posts leave my in-box they look fine. I’ll try to discover what I’m doing wrong.

for the posts. I’m thrilled at least one of you likes Augarde. I was worried you lot might be far too sophisticated for him. I am in the throws of organising my book launch. When I was writing the book, I kept dreaming about a lavish launch in a dark inner-city bar filled with pomegranate martinis, skinny chips and aioli (a fancy name for garlic mayonnaise). When my publisher offered me the opportunity to have it in a very sensible bookshop like every other sensible author, I said no. I like being different. So, now I find myself spending my days looking up glassware on the internet (who knew hiring wine glasses could be so tricky) and trying to work out just how I’m going to make 800 chicken sandwiches, get aprons printed with the logo of the fictional school in my novel, find the time to write a thank you speech which isn’t dull (note: those Oscars’ speeches are not dull because the actors are hot but dumb; they are dull because interesting, sincere but amusing speeches are an impossible genre — there are only so many synonyms for thank you) and manage to show up in my new frock without chicken grease down the front. When you lot publish your books, promise me that you will have your launches in bookshops where they do all the work and you can just turn up and look suitably intense but fabulous. Or hook up with somebody who works for Harry the Hirer. Now, I’m not quite sure that this is what the State Library had in mind for this blog, and, despite my vow that the site be blue light, I have blown it on Day Three by bringing in pomegranate martinis. This is most irresponsible, although in my defence, I should note that my mention of pomegranate martinis has been most moderate. But, over to you. Are there any questions you would like me to answer? I give pretty lousy advice on most things (especially relationships), but I’ll do my best.

Oh my Lord. I DIDN’T ACTUALLY KNOW YOU’D ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG. This is terrifying but thank you for the posts.

To answer your questions, no, I’m not Dutch. Like so many Australians I’m a bit of a bitzer with a good dash of English, French, Irish, Viking, Scottish and everything from earls to potato farmers in the mix. To make things more confusing, I was born in the UK but schooled there, here and in Germany. I shall (do my best) to post a photo for you just so you know who you’re dealing with.

[Sorry, just tried but can’t do it. That’s what comes of dealing with a Gen X’er who was still able to submit hand-written essays at university. Here’s a link]

My novel is a bit peculiar but it’s about a young girl called Olive with an absentee flaky hippie father called WilliamPetersMustardSeed and a workaholic barrister mother called Mog. School life gets tough and Olive sort of separates from her alter ego, Pip is created and together they sets out to find their dad.

I’ll give you the link to a few kind reviews (by particularly shrewd reviewers). You can probably google some nasty ones, but obviously it wouldn’t be in my financial interest to show you those as I have my eye on a pair of lovely brown shoes with a completely impractical heel.

My partner has been shamed by your comments and is now almost at the end of Chapter 19. This is not bad for a man who has not slept for the last 4 nights. I really can’t recommend a career in the law.

Okay, well I am going through a bit of a reading phase at the moment. Whenever a writer notes that s/he is going through a bit of a reading phase at the moment, it is usually code for “I feel too exhausted to write”/ “I can’t be fagged starting my next novel”. However, as details of my work as a lawyer, trips to the GP and recent discovery of a new organic shop that makes excellent banana smoothies would not make particularly interesting or relevant reading, I thought I would share my new favourite author with you: Steve Augarde.   

Repeat after me: Steve Augarde is wonderful, Steve Augarde is wonderful, Steve Augarde is wonderful. He has created the most beautiful trilogy – The Various. This has all the glory of a book set in the English country side, featuring a family of kids with Enid Blyton freedom to roam free (and Enid Blyton appetites for picnics) and a good enough dose of boarding school in book II to fulfill any residual English boarding school fantasies anybody who has not attended boarding school may be harbouring. And to think he has mixed this with a very engaging other (if mini) world.  Augarde is on the same list as Philip Pullman in England (this is industry speak to mean that the same publisher – David Fickling – publishes his books) so if you enjoyed His Dark Materials I think there’s a good chance you might enjoy The Various too.  

To make Augarde even cleverer, I should also note that like Pullman (and very unlike me), he had enough talent left over to design some very charming illustrations for his books.  

The best tuition any author can receive is from reading (I always find it curious that people who don’t read sign up for creative writing classes) and obviously the very best authors are the very best teachers. However, whether you are a reader or a writer or an aspiring writer of young people’s literature, I commend Augarde to you.

Did that sound too didactic?

My name is Kim Kane, this is my first blog and I’m nervous. I keep wondering whether a maiden blog is like a maiden voyage and whether I should be smashing a bottle of champagne over my laptop. I’m going to refrain from doing that, however, because I like champagne far too much to waste it on a computer, because this computer is the tool of my trade and the only asset I own apart from a fridge, and because I would probably get in trouble as this is an underage site and Who Knows where it could lead. One smashed bottle of champagne and the whole palaver turn up on facebook and the next thing I know Corey Worthington will be on my doorstep with 2000 of his mates to lick the grog out between the keys and generally wreak havoc. No, siree. This maiden voyage will be blue light.

Hey, everyone, this is my last post - sounds like a sad piece of bugle music, doesn’t it.

It’s been great blogging with the people who joined in - Steph, the Lauras, Ann, Jess and more recently Alison from Word Box who pointed out an alternative route for young people to get published. (My answer was only relevant to the mainstream publishers because they are the ones I work with and know about.)

I hope you’ll keep in touch through my website   www. jamesmoloney.com.au

All power to Insideadog. It’s a great concept and I’m going to check around for other blogs that I might be interested in for myself. The real plus out of all this is that we’ve been discussing books and reading and that’s something I feel passionate about. Thank you all for taking part and letting me be part of it.

Bye - James Moloney