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Suite Scarlett
Martin family birthday breakfasts followed a strict tradition. First, there were Belgian waffles, made by Belinda, the beloved Hopewell Hotel cook. These were served up with an array of toppings: chocolate syrup, fresh lemon whipped cream, stewed strawberries, and powdered vanilla sugar. The air should have been thick with wafflely perfume. Instead, there was an acrid, confusing smell, undercut by a light touch of smoke.
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Writer in Residence
THE UNVEILING OF UNFEASIBLE
Regular readers of my blog will be well familiar with the name Daphne Unfeasible. Daphne is my literary agent. I get a lot of questions about Daphne, literary agents, and publishing in general. Today, I am going to take an unprescendented step . . . and in doing so, provide you with A LOT of answers.
Obviously, I have to tell you a long story first.
Daphne happens to be a lot more than just my agent. She and I went to college together. And then we moved to London together, where we shared a flat had impossible locks, so we used to have to get in by climbing over the trash bins and through the window—so that should give you some idea of how nice it was. We were, in a word, broke. However, many of our experiences there formed the basis of 13 Little Blue Envelopes.
 
Daphne and I in London with Free Monkey this spring. Note Big Ben in background and Free Monkey over Daphne’s face.
Following London, Daphne and I shared an apartment in New York City, where I was a destitute graduate student at Columbia and she was an underpaid assistant at a publishing company. Daphne and I have climbed our way up together, reaching down a hand or boosting each other up all along the way. We have passed the cereal on nights when we couldn’t afford anything else for dinner, and we have toasted each other with champagne in fancy restaurants. Through every point, high and low, there has always been a Daphne. Over time, Daphne became a Actual Literary Agent and I became an Actual Published Author.
And then one day, Daphne went off to Colorado for something or other, and she met this guy named Rexroth Implausible. Not long after, she turned to me with a determined look in her eye.
“mj,†she said to me one day, “I intend to marry Rexroth Implausible.â€
I know Daphne well enough to realize that when she says she is going to do something . . . the thing is going to be done. Daphne’s rate of follow-through is unparalleled. After beating down my multiple offers to get ordained and do the wedding ceremony in my Wonder Woman outfit, I accepted the role of bridesmaid.
For many of you, the information above is old news. But hang on . . . because that’s about to change.
Rexroth is the owner of a small child named Trixie Implausible. I instantly claimed Trixie as my own property, and have sworn to take on as my apprentice. I want to train her in all the things that play such a large role in my life, things like hot-air ballooing and rapping. I explained all of this to Daphne in her office one day.
“Yes,†Daphne said, doing some paperwork. “That is very nice.â€
“For a time,†I went on, “I will excel over Trixie in all things. But soon, the apprentice must best the master, and I believe that Trixie will eventually defeat me in a rap-off.â€
“Yes,†Daphne said. “That is very nice.â€
“Furthermore,†I barreled on, as I am very hard to stop when a flood of good ideas enters my head, “Trixie and I will eventually hot-air-balloon over the Alps together. We may very well find ourselves snagged on one of the higher peaks, and will have to use our wits and my limited German and French to find materials to repair our balloon. Which we will do, much to the delight of the local skiers and/or goat herders who initially regarded us with suspicion but who eventually come to respect us and consider our triumph as their own. We will be presented with a huge wheel of the town’s own cheese as we rise up into the snow-filled clouds. Trixie will be at the helm, or whatever it is they have on hot-air balloons.â€
By this point, Daphne had long stopped listening and was on a call with an editor.
For various complex reasons (including, but not limited to: international maritime law, a spell cast by an evil wizard, and a bird named “Flo†who can read minds), Trixie cannot be displaced from her mountain home. So Daphne is moving to Colorado next week in preparation for her upcoming nuptials and to start her new life with her new family.
This is a bit of a shock to my system, because I am used to being able to climb through Daphne’s window at night, a la Joey in Dawson’s Creek, and wake her with my smiling face and newest story idea. Begging, pleading, and bars on the windows have never stopped this practice. But her moving halfway across the country will make it a little more tricky. I mean, I’ll have to fly, drive to the house, climb up the side, probably fight off a bear, wake both Daphne and Rexroth . . .
This is where the unveiling part begins. I am now going to tell you something that will amaze you.
Daphne’s name is not actually Daphne. Daphne’s real name is Kate Schafer.
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Daphne: UNVEILED! Also, we really didn’t mean to match.
With her move, Kate (Daphne) could not continue working in her current position at her current agency. So, some months ago, she began plotting a bold and audacious plot.
“mj,†she said to me, as I tossed paper clips across her Park Avenue office and watched with delight as they were sucked on to her magnetized paper clip holder, “I am going to start my own agency. Will you come with me on this bold venture?â€
“Magnets are fun!†I replied. She correctly took this to mean, “Where you go, I go.â€
I am thrilled to announce that next week, kt literary (a.k.a Unfeasible Enterprises) opens its doors. Daphne (Kate) is accepting submissions. Even better, she has started a new blog called Ask Daphne (no, it really is Daphne that time—she answers to both names now). So for those of you who have questions about the publishing business, about how agents work, about how query letters are written . . . now you have an excellent resource! Write in and ASK MY AGENT.
You should continue to ask me questions about writing, monkeys, Vespas, jellyfish, hamster-eating, and the dangers of the ocean.
And for those of you who have been commenting and providing blog ideas (and, in the process, entering to win an advance copy of Suite Scarlett), please keep doing so! I was kind of bummed out the other day, because I kept checking and the number of comments was ZERO. And then they all appeared at once, like flowers bursting out of the ground on the first warm morning of the year. Every comment left between now and Friday enters you in the contest!
45 Responses to “THE UNVEILING OF UNFEASIBLE”
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Also, I would love to know how you decide what to name your characters, as this is something I always spend many sleepless nights on. Wondering what to name my characters, I mean.
If I happen to, by any chance, become a goat herder, and move to the alps. If I am one day reading a bedtime story to my goats and three sheep, and a rainbow hot air balloon gets snagged on a mountain tip nearby, I promise I shall come to your rescue, and I shall use my very limited French and German to converse with your very limited French and German, until we both realise that English may be easier, if not as much fun, and I shall help you get back in the air. Eventually.
It is nice to meet you Daphne. *shakes hands with the picture*
anyways, I shall be off now.
I have a question: Do you ever smile in your photos? You don’t in any of these two, and you don’t in any of your two professional-looking photos which I assume are author photos. I mean, not that your preferred pose isn’t sexy and mysterious, but–I was just wondering.
And that is very cool for Daphe (aka Kate)! Hope it works out well for her!
Hey! I went on the KT literary site, and boom! There was the cover of Let it Snow! Woohoo!
MJ…..I have a question/topic for you.
QUESTION: What is the copy of ‘Let it Snow’ doing on Daphne’s client page?! Is it a fake cover/temporary cover type thing? Have you informed us of this before? Have I missed some important news about ‘Let it Snow’?
TOPIC: Tell us about ‘Let it Snow’! Pleeeeeeease?
oh awesome! but wait.. is Schafer her maiden name Rexroth’s last name.. AND is his name reeallly Rexroth? If not, say it is anyway because thats a pretty awesome name :]
did you know that I want to be you when I grow up?
pleasepleaseplease I need a copy of Suite Scarlett so I can lord it over Meg.
You know that is a very good reason and that is why I should receive a copy.
Hello there, Daphne-Kate, and best wishes with your life and your lit!
I have a (purple) magnetized paper clip holder on my desk, and I have watched it level the playing field on multiple occasions. It stuns the jaded. It impresses the intellectuals. It silences the chatterboxes. It may, in fact, make grown men weep.
You, J.K, and two of your characters are stranded on an island. How you all came to be on this island is a mystery to everyone, but you are there. The surrounding waters are swarming with jellyfish, which compounds this terrifying situation as we know jellyfish are quite dangerous. They are to be looked upon with excessive caution. These things being known, what two characters would you want along on this misadventure and why oh why is that so?
hey mj,
first of all, i would just like to say how EXTREMELY jealous i am of you. not ONLY are you a published author, but it always seems like you are jetting off to London, which is awesome, and also leads me to my question… (sorry if it has been addressed in previous posts) When you first went to England, what was the worst/funniest predicament you got into because of English/American cultural differences? (Money, social norms, etc…)
Yeah… I totally talked about how shocked I was that there were no comments in MY comment and then when I posted I saw something or other about a moderator and I sighed, because I realized I was going to look silly.
HI KATE! GOOD LUCK WITH THE AGENCY! And the marriage thing. And the parenting thing.
I have two words…
“HI KATE!”
Woot, another agent to add to my query list for when I start sending them.
Wonderful! Good for her and you! I think we should talk about all your fun travels. What different countries have you been to?
Hello, Kate/Daphne!!! Could we call you Kaphne, since we know you as both?
okay, so, I just got back from visiting the kt literary site, where you (with your books) were listed under clients and i noticed something VERY ODD.
… WHAT IS WITH THE PANTS?? on your site, the Girl at Sea is wearing some sweet black booty shorts, but now suddenly she is wearing JEANS? trippy…
I heard Kate speak at SCBWI this summer (she was great) and I did NOT make the connection to Daphne! What a big revelation! The secret is out! I wish her all the best in her new agency.
(Also, I would love to win a copy of Suite Scarlett, but will also be happy too buy it when it comes out
Hey MJ!
So I know this is for suggestions about what you should write for your blog…but honestly, I would probably read whatever you wrote anyway, and I’m betting there’s a lot of people out there who would say the same!
Dear everyone, and especially Maureen,
I was recently given a link to a website inspired by the band Five for Fighting. the link is http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/
Every time you watch a full video on this site, one of the ones sent in by people suffering from autism, or other issues, money is donated by the band Five for Fighting to one of five very important charities. I think it’s very important for us (especially the younger generations) to give back as much as we can. Please check out this site and help these people as much as we can.
Oh, hurray for romance and moving to Colorado to facilitate it! Best of luck to Daphne and Rexroth. And Trixie, too.
I did already konw daphne’s real name, because I am sneaky and clever and also interested in the publishing process, and also I read her blog, but I am thrilled to hear that she is opening her own agency! Yay, Kate!
Also, Maureen, you look lovely in that picture, even if it is a bit myspacey.
YAY! I found your new blogging spot! I thought I had lost it…..
In response to Rebecca, your rambling will always be read, even if you become old and crazier (crazy is a GOOD thin). Trixie will be the LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. Daphne/Kate’s name is proof she is a spy sent by another publisher.
I (being the um, brilliant person that I am) had a geious moment. Give a copy of Suite Scarlett to the first commenter of every post. I am really good at sitting and pressing the refresh button over and over.
Can you write a short bio on Free Monkey? Including his trip around the world last yr?
Yay! Her identity finally revealed. the strange thing is I also had already heard of her, thanks to Pub Rants. http://pubrants.blogspot.com/2008/01/all-by-myself.html
Like Raelyn said–what’s with the pants on the Girl at Sea cover?? I thought the boyshorts and bikini looked nice. That said–do you think your headless girl books will ever be released wearing something the characters would? In the case of Clio, do you wish they included her tatto?
YES RAELYN IS RIGHT! what IS with the jeans. is it like the new edition that was changed because no one liked the shorts, and one day the original version of Girl @ Sea will be worth like 100,000,000 dollars?!?!?! because i deffinately have the one with the shorts, and owning a book worth $100,000,000 would be soo cool. not that i WOULD sell it or anything.
So “Free Monkey” is a muppet?
A muppet with a head which uncannilly resembles the naked mole rat Rufus from the Kim Possible cartoons?
A muppet whose arms and legs all resemble a penis??
And there I was thinking the zombie thing was a little disturbing…. lol
Congratulations to Kate (Daphne) on both the wedding and the new business.
YAY for Daphne…/Kate!
How exciting!!!
(in reference to rebecca) *the same!*
(and i am not posting ne more comments. honest. promise. like, seriously. ;P)
Well that’s exciting. Only like, times 542815051567167!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck with everything, both of you!
Blog idea? I don’t know about anyone else, but I frequently wonder which book of yours you give chuck norris to read, if presented with the opportunity.
Why call Daphne Daphne? Why not Steve? or Elfrida?
Colorado! That’s right next to Utah where i live…
*runs to check map just in case, but then decides to use google earth instead becuase it’s so much more fun*
Yes! It has been confirmed, Kate and I will soon be neighbors!!! We should get together and celebrate this neighborness by doing some outdoorsy things like hiking, bird watching, or fish shooting.
Don’t worry
Kate/Daphne, I’ll call you.
Congrats, Daphne/Kate! I hope you will still be able to indulge your love of shoes in Colorado. Maybe Zappo’s will ease the pain.
MJ–here’s a question:
Have you actually met JK Rowling, and if so, what did you say/do to her?
Blog idea - you could talk about Britishisms. For instance, is their tea really better than everybody other countries?or do they just drink it more?
http://www.lauraandmiri.blogspot.com
http://zoidbergtales.blogspot.com/
READ MY BLOGS!!!
that is really quite exciting that she is opening up her own agency! may i just say yay-la for her!
Okay, so, I just read chapter one of Suite Scarlett on the thingy on that area of insideadog, and OMG I LOVE IT so far, and AAH CLIFFHANGER, DO I REALLY HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS?
okay. so this pretty much made my day.
i feel so inspired. my friends at school always call me kt…as short for my real name katie. it seems like made for me.
as for ideas for the blog, working titles. what are your working titles? and do they normally have drastic differences from the published one.
will daphne publish my mostly-unwritten book?
will free monkey come visit me?
no seriously, though. when are you coming on tour to philadelphia?
oh and for the blog: what book from high school english/lit classes did you hate most, and which one did you love/inspired you. . . yeah that was sucky grammar. shoot me.
Speaking of locks, we have the same hair. It’s the first thing I noticed…in the picture.
I mean, my hair is a different color, darker dark dark brown.
But the style is the same- at the current moment- and the texture. Now, this sounds creepy.
I wish I could read your entire post, but I couldn’t and I just had to comment on the hair thing.
The reason I can’t read the entire post right now is because I’m currently reading “My Sister’s Keeper” which is a good book, but a sad book. I’ve never read it before, and I don’t think I’ll ever read it again. It’s one of those books that makes you think alot, which is good, but then you become really depressed.
I haven’t eaten for more than six hours, and I should really eat, but I’m not hungry, because I’m really sad, because this story is so sad.
I’m sure you’ve read this book, maybe even know the author of it. And if you haven’t read the book you must’ve heard of it. And if it’s none of the above, I suggest it, but only… when you don’t mind being depressed.
Cheers! (To me and you)
<3
!!!
I used to do Ren Faire with Kate! I’m delighted to hear she’s doing so well!
ok.
i have a deep, burning question for you.
what is your connection with the rent “maureen johnson”? cause, let me tell you…
it’s been confusing me for some time now. if you’re somehow transfixed into that play… that would make me very happy.
if not, that’s ok too.
haha.